A Tweet-Annotated Guide to Following Me on Twitter

I tweet a lot. I don't tweet as much as some people but it's not uncommon for me to put out 20 to 30 tweets into the interwebs in a single day.

Mostly I tweet for myself. It's fun. Twitter is fun - I follow a bunch of comedians and some celebrities (not the bad kind like the Kardashians, but thoughtful ones who post more than just promotional stuff and awful selfies to Instagram) and obviously some people I know personally.

But my tweets are really not that mass favorite-able or retweet-able. My personal philosophy is that it's only acceptable to tweet about the mundane or absurd goings-on in your life on Twitter. Any other social media platform and you risk being de-friended or unfollowed or something else equally mortifying.

My thing is that my tweets are often very absurd, and the fact that I feel the need to explain them right here is compelling enough proof.

But here are some things you need to know if you plan to follow me, complete with 140-character-or-less examples!

1. You can bet that about half the time my tweets are about some movie or TV show I'm watching Sometimes they're just lines that characters said, or just random thoughts about the show overall.

Like Homeland...

 

This came after I live-tweeted the great Claire Danes one-liners from the Homeland Pilot commentary (natch; see #7).

 Or Girls...

Or Mad Men...

 Or The OC... (there are lots here because I recently rewatched all four seasons)

Or even a throwback like My So-Called Life...

2. I say "Y'all" a lot. Like, 90% more than I say it when I actually speak. I cannot explain this. I have a twitter voice that lives inside my head, and it's a little sassy sometimes and also has a drawl that I'm only now aware of. Also I just realized that "Y'all" is shorter than "You guys" (what I'd normally say), and in the limited real estate of Twitter, less is more.

This tweet could also serve as an example of numbers 8 and 9.

3. Some tweets will only make sense to me. It will be a line from a TV show or movie or YouTube video I've watched and it's only supposed to make sense to me. However, mad props to you if you somehow understand. I mostly tweet these things to look back on days or weeks or months later and laugh to myself. These are usually my favorite tweets, and they're in a niche that is so small and specific that I may be the only person that lives there. Obviously, I am perfectly okay with that.

I tweeted this earlier today and it's my current favorite super small niche tweet. You're not supposed to get it.

4. I tweet a fair amount about the weirdness of Georgia Tech. Like when I walk around on campus and see people wearing overalls unironically. Or generally just people wearing ironic clothing unknowingly.

Or when I have to study a lot and am pulling out the tearless sobs:

These tweets serve the following purpose:

5. I also tweet a fair amount of self-aware weird things about myself. Things that are embarrassing and strange and self-deprecating. 

6. Sometimes I tweet serious things. Like links to articles that I've read that I feel like passing on. Or thoughts that seem deep to me. (Have you ever just thought about the concept of hair? Like on a fundamental level?) Other times I'll ruminate on the state of our society. About technology or the environment or headline news or even Twitter (so meta!).

 

My version of sage advice. This is only half-serious.

7. Sometimes I live-tweet things. My most recent live-tweets were Taylor Swift's newest music video for "I Knew You Were Trouble" (awesome song, hot mess video, which makes it even more awesome, in like a hate-watch way) and a four-part interview of Mischa Barton from a few years ago that I found on YouTube that is the batshit craziest piece of "journalism" I've ever come across. (PS: Mischa, I'm #Praying4U.) These live-tweets result in a barrage of tweets in a comparatively short time period. I love live-tweeting stuff, especially if it's family gatherings (#conflict!)

This tweet came smack dab in the middle of my live-tweet of that Mischa Barton interview and it basically sums up the whole thing.

8. I have a few favorite hashtags that I love using:
#amirite: a rhetorical question, meant to be pronounced all as one word.
#sorryboutit: used when I'm not actually sorry about it.
#sorrynotsorry: see above.
#dafuq: sassy version of "WTF," used when I'm so incredulous I can't muster up anything intelligible to say. (I also say this in real life, not just on Twitter.)
#firstworldproblems: when I'm self aware and realize that any problem I tweet about is canceled out by the fact that I'm using an Apple device to voice it to the world.

#details: when I recognize a congruency flaw in something that's not readily apparent.. Remember, folks, it's the #details that count. 
#praisegod: when I'm so overjoyed by something working out that, had it not worked out, would be a #firstworldproblem.
#butreally: used after something that sounds like I'm kidding but I'm actually dead serious.

#waitwhat: used after I admit something embarrassing and am confused as to why I tweeted about it. As in, "Wait what? Too late now."

 #Praying4U: when I hope that God has mercy on "Ur" soul because you are heading down a #dark and dangerous path (used in the past for Taylor Momsen, aforementioned Mischa Barton, and me, when I was stuck in hellish gridlock Buckhead traffic).

9. I tweet a fair amount about music, too. I almost never tweet about music I'm embarrassed to like and listen to (and admit to the world), unless I include a #sorrynotsorry hashtag. Basically, it's just me being an insufferable indie music listener.

10. I try to keep my tweets fairly free of swear words and use them only when it's really appropriate (see MSCL tweet above). I justify the free use of #dafuq since it's spelled differently, and I'm sticking to that.

 An example of censoring my own tweets (and also number 1). I still stand by this, though, and you know you do, too. Although I wouldn't mind another one of these: 

I'm now fairly certain that I could craft a short story or poem composed just of my past tweets. I'll get back to you on that....